


The Tighter The Cape The Tighter The Matespritship

by SaltinesAndPeanutButter



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Autistic Kanaya Maryam, F/F, autistic characters, autistic rose lalonde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-12 21:17:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12968607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltinesAndPeanutButter/pseuds/SaltinesAndPeanutButter





	The Tighter The Cape The Tighter The Matespritship

"Rose, can you come here for a moment?" Kanaya said, holding Eridan's purple cape.

"I need you to tie this around my waist." Kanaya continued.

"Okay." Rose answered, finishing a moment later with "All done."

"No, I need it tighter."

"Okay. Is this any better?"

"No. It needs to be tighter."

"Kanaya I can't tie this any tighter without suffocating you."

"Oh." Kanaya muttered as she looked down upon her torso, her fat poking out over the tightly tied cape.

"I thought you said you didn't like tight things on your body."

"No it's just my legs. I like tight shirts."

"I can hardly stand anything tight on me. Also I've been meaning to ask, do trolls wear bras?"

"What are 'bras'?"

"You've never heard of brassieres?"

"No."

"Well it's very possible that trolls may call them by a different name. You wear them around your bust and they hold your breasts in place."

"Breasts? You mean rumble-spheres?"

"Sure."

"Then no we do not wear those. There is no reason to, if one is in combat then any inconvenient spheres will be contained by the armor."

"So are rumble spheres any different from human breasts?"

"How would I know?"

"Do you want to find out?"

"Rose, we just tied this around my waist I do not want to remove any clothing at this-"

"I meant that we could look in one of these medical books."

"Maybe later after I have had a nap. I am absolutely exhausted- there's been so much change. My whole world was upended."

"I understand." Rose said as Kanaya walked into another room and flopped onto a pile of pillows.

She kicked off her shoes and socks and buried herself under a layer of pillows and went to sleep. When Kanaya awoke hours later she was still a tad grumpy.

"Nothing is the same as Sopor Slime." She thought to herself. She sat up on the pile of pillows and tried in vain to tighten the cape which had loosened in her sleep.

"Kanaya, are you awake yet?" Rose said standing in the doorway.

"Does it look like I'm asleep?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "I brought that book. Here's a diagram: human breasts are soft and squishy with a circular areola which culmina-"

"Then they are more or less the same it seems. Why does the human species wear them?"

"It's probably just another way to keep women in chains. My mom bought me a bra the first second it looked like my chest was even a few millimeters rounder. When I ascended to godtier I no longer was wearing a bra, for some reason."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yes. I told you I can't stand tight things."

"Well, can you tell me more things while you're tightening this cape?" Kanaya asked turning around on the pile.

"Uh, sure. So, bras date back to ancient Greece. The sizing is inconsistent and it is estimated that 64% of women are wearing the wrong size."

"Rose I need this tighter."

Rose sighed in aggravation. 

"Another tidbit about bras is tha- wait. Do trolls not shave their legs either?" Rose said running her hand over Kanaya's lower shin.

"No. Why would we do that?"

"Trolls don't shave anywhere?"

"No? Do humans?"

"Yes, human women are expected to in most cultures."

"That's odd."

"Why don't you tell me some about Alternia?"

"Ok. My life began about six sweeps ago when I was chosen by a mother grub lusus, the first recorded incident of this in history. I lived in the desert with her, and I tended to stay up during the day instead of being nocturnal like most trolls. I have a lot of weird interests: I like to sew and design my own clothes, which is uncommon for trolls-"

"It doesn't seem like your outfits are very fashionable."

"I tailor them to my sensory preferences. I cannot stand pants of any kind ergo, I do not make pants for myself. For example on this red skirt I am wearing the pleats on the left side were inspired by the spiral staircase in my hive, which I walked up many times a day. It's a wonder that I never lost any substantial amount of weight from all that climbing. Back to the pants, all young trolls are given the same androgynous outfit to wear until they reach five sweeps of age, then they may order their clothes from a catalog or simply make outfits themselves as I did. Of course I ordered my shirt with my symbol from the catalog and my shoes as well, I am no cobbler. On another dress of mine I was inspired by the ancient fashions of eastern Alternia, though I did not hail from there myself. On my latest creation: a bright green frock with yellow spots, I was inspired by the trees surrounding my hive."

"You sure do like dresses a lot. Did you even notice that I quit tightening the cape?"

"No, did you? Well I must've been so wrapped up in my monologue that I didn't notice."

"I can sympathize. I too have a tendency for long monologues."

"Like the one about humans breasts which I had to interrupt?" Kanaya said holding back a giggle.

"Yes, like that one." Rose replied smiling.

"What are some of your interests?"

"I like to knit on occasion, I am a little bit fond of wizards and I engage in creative writing and psychoanalysis sometimes too. These activities often consumed my days as my mom intended to home school me, but was usually drunk or asleep. Usually both. Eventually she hired a tutor to visit me three times a week, but she quit visiting after I threatened to electrocute myself in order to get out of multiplication tables. I have no formal education to speak of."

"Trolls don't attend any kind of educational facility, but we are all provided with technology and internet access so we take online schoolfeeds which are astonishingly easy to pass. One can choose to opt out of these at five sweeps or continue on one of four specialized school feeds: military education, which is open to everyone, law and order education which is only available to teal bloods, cavern tending education, which is what I chose as it was the only one available to me, or servitude education which is open to everyone sub jade. It basically comprised of reading an article and then answering questions on it."

"Are there only four career paths on Alternia?"

"No, those are just the most common. One can choose to 'go rogue' so to speak and become a pirate or a beekeeper or even a nomad but these instances are rare."

"On Earth you could be just about anything. I never figured out what I wanted to be. Or who I wanted to be for that matter."

"I always knew I would be an auxiliatrix, tending to the mother grubs in the caverns."

"That sounds interesting in the very least."

"It's really not. You tend to the mother grubs as if they're your spawn when in reality it's the other way around. You would almost never see any light besides the light produced by yourself and other rainbow drinkers. The only reason rainbow drinkers even exist is to protect the mother grub from those who wish to harm her. Auxiliatrices usually feed on any ill-fated grubs laying around. It's a life of slavery, even more so that being a butler. Auxiliatrices are the only adults even allowed to stay on Alternia after they mature."

"How long have we been talking for, Kanaya?"

"A few hours. Why do you ask?"

"I'm getting a little tired."

"You could take a nap on this pillow pile."

"If I did would you lay across my torso?"

"Sure, I suppose."

Rose flopped down onto the pillows and Kanaya proceeded to lay down across her torso, forming a lowercase t shape.


End file.
